Michael is staying home with me this week, and is going to type for me so I can catch up a little. I am very happy he is home because I have missed him so much when he has been gone to work.
I have lost more time in the past few days. It was a bit of a shock to realize this was Sunday already. Understandable though too because it has been a difficult weekend. I had my first ambulance ride just after midnight on Friday. Spent the wee hours in the hospital again for pain control and Michael got me home at about 5:30 Saturday morning.
It has become a daily struggle from hour to hour to get through the pain. Never thought I would say that I would be looking forward to going into hospice. I keep thinking that I will be better there because the pain will be more manageable, that I will be better able to enjoy the time I spend with people visiting. All I can focus on right now is the pain. Michael does not want me to go to hospice and would prefer I stay home with him but feels helpless when the pain gets out of control. His only option when it get bad is to call the 911 operator to have EMT’s come give me a shot of morphine. Then they are required by law to transport me to hospital, and as soon as the hospital has my pain under control they discharge me and Michael has to get me home again in the car, which is very uncomfortable now. At least in hospice, pain relief is just a push of the button away and I don’t have to go on any excursions. Home is better, but hospice has better drugs. We don’t really have a choice.
Tanya brought me a gift today. It was a book of pictures of her at different times in her life that meant a great deal to her. She wanted me to know how much of an inspiration I have been for her. I am glad we had the time together to snuggle in bed today.
Peter and Julie stopped by too, but by the time they arrived the pain had taken over again and it was too difficult to talk. Hope we have a better visit next time they come.
Tomorrow, Mom and Dad are coming for a few hours for a visit.
Michael is reading all my emails to me and I enjoy hearing about what everyone is up to.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and messages.
Penny
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