My visit at the Cross today. Met with the Rad Onc at 10:30 and was told that he would go ahead with one more batch of radiation to stop the bleeding from the original tumor site once more. Said it's better to fix it while it's a small leak rather than try to fix it when the tap has broken right off. Due to the radiation having to come really close to the spine, he will not be able to do any more in that area after this. Does not want to damage the spinal cord. He did give me a high dose and said the side effects will be worse than the last batch I had done. Fatigue, skin burns, pain, coughing, but it should all subside in 5 days or so.
The other concern I had was the two lumps of cancer that have been growing on my left rib in two places. Very sore to the touch and makes it hard to even have clothes on by the one lump. He will be able to zap those away which will happen on Tuesday. The machine he needed to use wasn't available today otherwise it would of been done at the same time. Good news there. I'll be so glad to have those gone as they have been a major part of the pain for sure.
Had a terrible night last night. Was up all night again, taking breakthrough meds almost every hour until 4 am. By then I was finally able to get to sleep and slept until 6, then until 9 when my sister came to take me for my appointment.
The day went pretty well however. I even made a trip shopping with my sister after the Cross visit. Been a month since I've been in a store! Aaaaa the simple things we take for granted. :-)
I bought new dishes! hehehehehe
Let's pray tonight is a better night. Still feeling like the morphine is better than the oxycodone was doing.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
August 29, 2006 #2What can you do?
Now that I'm feeling a little better I was thinking over the last month about what has been happening and how I might of done a better job of getting over the bumps in the road.
One thing that I realized is that it really is hard asking people for help. You want to stay so independant for as long as you can and it's was a real issue for me to let go and let others run the show for a while.
So where do you draw that line? How do you keep that independance and yet get the true help that you need and that people what to give to you? It's easy for people to come and spend time with you but how does that time go by? Do we both, me and the visitor, make the best use of that time in a way that makes both of us feel a sense of accomplishment and worthiness? To often, through pride, I think I found the time spent was just "passing" the time away.
What would be nice in the future, during these times that can be so hard? I think, for me, what I missed over the last month was time that would be given to me as a woman, time for a manicure, a massage, aroma therapy. Heck, even just shaving my legs. All those things would of been so nice and would of made me feel a part of living. Some thoughts for days down the road, for the darker times. Thanks to you who have asked what they could do.
And then there were all the wonderful things people did do!
Stopping in with a muffin was such a nice jesture, even when I couldn't throughly enjoyed it, it was wonderful. I worried about Michael not eating, bringing him a meal or two made my day. Thank you for all of you that did those things for me. It helped so much.
Running out to get me a special tea, buying me that crochet hook I so desperately needed right that minute, or taking the time to find a small treat, like running all over town looking for those fresh peas that I was craving. Friends, what a great thing to have!
Coming to just bring me a smile meant a lot to me. Thank you so much, everyone!
The short phone calls, knowing it was hard for me to talk, you still let me know you were there and understood. I thank you for that.
Thank you for helping us get this place in order, for helping Michael to make this our home and not just a house! The tree looks great Dad! :-) and we will cherise our lylic tree always.
So, remember, next time, I hope that I can accept your help and kindness in a much better spirit. This go around was hard to let go, to let others do. I'll try to be more accepting of it in the future. Just know that it meant the world to me even so!!
One thing that I realized is that it really is hard asking people for help. You want to stay so independant for as long as you can and it's was a real issue for me to let go and let others run the show for a while.
So where do you draw that line? How do you keep that independance and yet get the true help that you need and that people what to give to you? It's easy for people to come and spend time with you but how does that time go by? Do we both, me and the visitor, make the best use of that time in a way that makes both of us feel a sense of accomplishment and worthiness? To often, through pride, I think I found the time spent was just "passing" the time away.
What would be nice in the future, during these times that can be so hard? I think, for me, what I missed over the last month was time that would be given to me as a woman, time for a manicure, a massage, aroma therapy. Heck, even just shaving my legs. All those things would of been so nice and would of made me feel a part of living. Some thoughts for days down the road, for the darker times. Thanks to you who have asked what they could do.
And then there were all the wonderful things people did do!
Stopping in with a muffin was such a nice jesture, even when I couldn't throughly enjoyed it, it was wonderful. I worried about Michael not eating, bringing him a meal or two made my day. Thank you for all of you that did those things for me. It helped so much.
Running out to get me a special tea, buying me that crochet hook I so desperately needed right that minute, or taking the time to find a small treat, like running all over town looking for those fresh peas that I was craving. Friends, what a great thing to have!
Coming to just bring me a smile meant a lot to me. Thank you so much, everyone!
The short phone calls, knowing it was hard for me to talk, you still let me know you were there and understood. I thank you for that.
Thank you for helping us get this place in order, for helping Michael to make this our home and not just a house! The tree looks great Dad! :-) and we will cherise our lylic tree always.
So, remember, next time, I hope that I can accept your help and kindness in a much better spirit. This go around was hard to let go, to let others do. I'll try to be more accepting of it in the future. Just know that it meant the world to me even so!!
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